Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
