yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
