Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
