My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
