I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
