We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
