Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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