and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
