it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
