Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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