hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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