Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
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I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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