wat bout pragnant strippers??
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
