i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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