That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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