apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
