so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
