last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
