so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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