Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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