Heybabeimwearingurpanties
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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