On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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