By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
sarcasm needs its own font
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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