Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
