The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
