mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
