i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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