im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
