Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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