I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
