now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
