Sry I called you an 8
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
