Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize