dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
