My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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