I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
