that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
