I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The feeling are messing with the penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
