sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize