trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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