I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
now i know why i became what i already was.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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