i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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