You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
