The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
