you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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