Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
