Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
