I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I have feelings that need drinking.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
