I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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