Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
