yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you never un-have a 4some
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
