u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
