Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just invented taco cereal.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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