I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
well you can't waste a boner
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
