The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize