this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
