New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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