last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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