Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
