I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
