Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
