He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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