There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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