Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
