addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize