No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
