using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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