ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
