Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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