I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
