There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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