I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think i have two assholes
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
