So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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