So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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