i permit you to call me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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