Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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