She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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