so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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