dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
