My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
