I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
