Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
