Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
