hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
